Friday, 28 October 2016

Edit narrative

LI;To edit narrative work using the TEE and OCS structure.

How would an adult react if children a bear were lying

I think an adult would start to complain?
She? Or He? Might think they are wasting time?
Or The might Be Complaining?

One day a family went out for a hike their names are johnny,mitchell,sammy,Molly and finally the oldest Marryyan… they went for a hike  in the forest.
They stopped at a cave and checked if their was anyone inside. “No one is inside” said Their father.Then their father said come on! “No one is inside!” “Why don’t we rest here for the night!” their mother cried “okay!” everyone said… But as they went to sleep... They could hear someone Whispering! The answered who’s there!
It said To the  family “you must leave! Immediately! “And why is that?” the oldest Daughter cried…“beacause!”.....
You're about to meet the Grizzly bear that lives in this cave! The youngest son felt that fur that they’ve been lying on! There was wet  yuck and mucky seliver! Dripping on the family’s head! And Shoulders! “The Grizzly bear!” “Ahh!” the family shouted let’s get out of here! “Run Run Run!” the second oldest daughter  cried! “That whispering person or man! Which sounded like a man was right!” the youngest daughter they ran as fast as they can “get in the on your bikes! And ride as fast as you can!” Their mother crieded… and they rode of knowing without knowing that the bear that owned the cave was actually a cave man! Stuck inside a costume! Which was a long story! “All I wanted was Friends! And needed help!. While the family was riding with wet seliver! On them all… they Just figured out that the wet  seliver was actually tears!”wow!” it wasn’t actually a Person  Why don’t we go back if he or her needs help! Okay! The family went  back! To the cave and helped the poor old cave man! They took the costume off of him and he was happy as a donkey that could stand up and jump… Their mother offered him to stay with them! Image result for editing


  1. Hey viva nice job I like your picture but were is your blurb.

  2. Hey viva nice job I like your picture but were is your blurb.

  3. hi viva i really like your writing and keppt it up